Erap – The Presiding Judge

Impeachment is nearing its end. Corona is scheduled to testify on Tuesday and will be the last witness for the defense. That is the reason why the Impeachment Court went on a 2-day trial recess.

Since, they’re on break I thought of coming up with a light impeachment blog post. What if Erap is presiding over this trial? I’m sure it will be a fun trial filled with “Erap Lines”.

So here’s my second try at humor post, again starring Erap. I hope you enjoy reading!

Erap and the Counsel’s Appearances

Erap: Ok counsels, enter your appearances.
Prosecution: Thank you your honor Mr. President, same appearances on the part of the prosecution.
Erap: Teka, teka, anong same appearances eh nagpalit na kayo ng damit ah. Tsaka parang bagong gupit ka ata counsel.
Prosecution: Ahhm your honor, I mean same set of counsels your honor.
Erap: Ah ganun ba, ok proceed.

Erap on being LIBERAL

Prosecution: Mr. Presiding Justice, Your Honor can I make a manifestation?
Erap: Ok counsel, proceed with your manifestation.
Prosecution: I just want to ask your kind indulgence Mr. Presiding Justice, your honor, if you can be please be more Liberal in this court, your honor *Erap interrupts*
Erap: Wait wait Mr. Counsel, ano, gusto mo pa ng maraming Liberal? Eh apat na sila dito ah, Sen. Drilon, Sen. Pangilinan, Sen. Recto, and Sen. Guingona, puro Liberal yan gusto mo pa ng mas marami?

Erap explaining some rulings of the Court

Erap: I cannot permit that counsel. Alam mo ginagawa ko na ang lahat para maging maayos ang trial na ito. Dapat balanse tayo dito para fair to both of you prosecution and defense.
Prosecution: Ok, Mr. President, I submit to the wisdom of the presiding justice
Erap: Anong submit wisdom? Anong akala mo sa’kin bobo walang wisdom. Be careful Mr counsel baka gusto mo ma-site ka in contempt.
Prosecution: No you honor what i mean is, I agree to what you said.
Erap: Ah yun naman pala eh pasubmit submit ka pa kasi, proceed.

Erap: It’s a tie

Prosecution: Do you bring with you the bank documents subpoenaed by this impeachment court?
Witness: Yes sir, it’s with me.
Prosecution: So Mr. Witness, how many bank accounts does Renato Corona have in your bank?
Defense: Objection your honor, leading. The counsel is already suggesting that this bank accounts are owned by the accused.
Erap: Objection overrulled, hindi pa nga nasasagot ng witness yung question, wala pang score, tie pa lang kayo.

Erap and the Senator Judges

Erap: Majority Leader.
Sotto: Mr. President, Sen. Legarda wishes to be recognized.
Erap: Ok, the crying lady from Malabon, Antique, Laguna, Manila and the World tonight Sen. Loren Legarda is recognized.
Loren: *smiling* Thank you Mr. President, let me just clarify that the crying moment is already in the past. We have talked it over and patched things up already, tsaka Mr. President, alam ko kasing nanonood nuong mga panahon na yun si Mother Lily kaya ko ginawa yun. Baka sakali mapansin nya ang aking acting prowess at masundan pa yung acting job ko sa Markova.

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Sotto: Mr. President, Sen. Lacson wants to be recognized
Erap: Sige, the TNT Senator from Cavite is recognized, proceed.
Lacson: Maraming salamat Mahal na Pangulo.
Erap: Wow ayus ah, mahal na Pangulo? Eh nilaglag mo nga ako dati.
Lacson: Alam nyo Ginoong Pangulo matagal na po iyun. Kalimutan na natin ang nakaraan at magbati na po tayo.
Erap: Batiin mo yang itlog mo, at magluto ka ng omelet, diba marami ka namang natutunan na recipe galing sa Google.

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Sotto: Mr. President  Sen. Pangilinan wants to be recognized followed by Sen. Recto.
Erap: Ok the Senator for All Season Ralph Recto of Batangas is recognized and will be followed by the Mega Senator from Pampanga Sen. Kiko Pangilinan.
Kiko: Thank you Mr. President, by the way may bagong show po si Sharon sa Channel 5, manood po kayo. Love you hon wag mo na patulan ang mga bashers mo sa twitter ha.

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Sotto: Mr. President next to ask is the Senator from San Juan, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada
Erap: (Yes, anak ko na yan) Ehem ehem, Ok my son Sen. Jinggoy Estrada mula sa aking mahal na bayan ng San Juan is recognized. (*Erap whispered “Galingan mo anak”)
Jinggoy: Thanks Dad este Mr. President. Ok Ms. Witness dala nyo po ba yung dokumento?
Witness: Hindi po.
Jinggoy: Ok pakidala po next time ah. That’s all, thanks Dad este Mr. President
Erap: Yun na yun, tapos ka na? Nag-cheer pa ko sa’yo yun lang pala sasabihin mo. Tumayo ka pa! Mag-usap tayo sa bahay mamaya pag-uwi. Upo!

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Sotto: Mr. Senate President, Sen. Joker Arroyo, wants to ask the witness.
Erap: Ok, the walk-out prosecutor este Senator from Makati is recognized.
Arroyo: Thank you Mr. President, but I just want to make clear that it was the private prosecutors that walked-out on your impeachment and not us.
Erap: Ok, sige sige, proceed baka abutin pa tayo ng siyam-siyam sa bagal mong magsalita.

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Sotto: Ok Mr. President, last Senator with reservation is the Lady Senator from Ilo-Ilo.
Erap: Ok the Dragon Lady Senator Pick-up Lines of Ilo-ilo and my friend Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is recognized.
Santiago: Thank You Mr. President, I don’t know if I can call that a compliment or an insult to my persona but nonetheless I will proceed. But before I ask the witness Mr. president, let me just ask you. Mr. President, plastic ka ba?
Erap: Hindi ah, hindi ako plastic. Anong pinagsasabi mong plastic. *Miriam interrupts*
Santiago: Oh my God Mr. President, that is a pick-up line, didn’t you get that.
Erap: Ah eh, sorry kala ko tinatawag mo ako na plastic eh.
Santiago: You are too defensive Mr. President, are you guilty? hahaha. Anyways again, I will repeat my question, Mr. President, Plastic ka ba?
Erap: Ok, sige; Plastic? Bakit?
Santiago: Kasi tinapon ka na, eh na-recycle ka pa. wahahahha

Erap to run as Manila Mayor in 2013

After his publicized transfer of residency from San Juan to Manila riding his Jeep ni Erap, former President Joseph ERAP Estrada declared his intention to run for the Mayoral post of Manila.

Addressing the media and some Manila residents in his new house in the spacious compound at 589 Manga Avenue in Sta. Mesa, Manila he confirmed his plans of running for Mayor of Manila in the coming 2013 midterm election. Together with him in his jeep was incumbent Manila Vice Mayor Isko Moreno who was said to be considered as his running mate after he joined Erap’s Partido ng Masang Pilipino party.

Long before his confirmation, several news reports have already floated about Erap’s plans for Manila Mayorship because of his frequent visit in the city doing some charity works.

Now that Erap annouced his planned candidacy in Manila, it will be a duel between him and the current Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim who was then a political ally until their falling out. In a statement Lim said “Good Luck” to Erap on his plans to run against him in the coming election.

As for me the result of this election in Manila will gauge how mature and educated Manila voters are.

Erap’s Logic

This past few days our country is clouded by different political dramas and fiasco. From the arrest of former President GMA, the surrender of former COMELEC Chair Benjamin Abalos to Pasay Court and the impeachment of Supreme Court Chief Justice Renato Corona. Although it seemed like watching another teleserye, this political issues are more stressful than entertaining. So to lighten up the mood a bit, let me share a text joke a receive from a friend, which I intentionally added some twist. Here it goes.

Erap and Cory

One day Erap saw Cory reading a Book on Logic.

Erap: Mahirap yata yang binabasa mo ah.
Cory: hindi, logic lang ito madali lang.
Erap: Ano ba yang logic na yan? Di ko yata alam yan.
Cory: Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba?
Erap: Oo
Cory: Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda
Erap: Oo
Cory: Kung mahilig ka sa isda, eh di mahilig ka sa dagat?
Erap: Oo
Cory: Kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo sa beach?
Erap: Oo
Cory: At kung mahilig ka sa beach, mahilig ka din sa mga sexing babae na naka swimsuit?
Erap: Oo naman
Cory: Kung mahilig ka sa babaeng nakaswimsuit, lalakeng lalaki ka?
Erap: Syempre naman
Cory: At kung lalakeng lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Erap: Oo
Cory: Kita mo na, ganyan ang logic.

Erap and Piolo

The next day Erap saw Piolo.

Erap: Piolo subukan ko lang tong logic na tinuro saken ni Cory.
Piolo: Ok sige lang sir.
Erap: May aquarium ka ba?
Piolo: Wala sir eh.
Erap: Bakla ka nga. *Toinks* LOL

Erap and Midas

After that Erap went to a coffe shop and there he saw SC Spokeperson Midas Marquez

Erap: (hmmm eto abogado, masubukan nga rin ang logic dito). Midas subukan ko lang itong logic na tinuro saken ni Cory.
Midas: Sige lang ex-con, este ex-president pala
Erap: Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba?
Midas: Opo sir
Erap: Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda
Midas: Oo naman sir, pati mga anak ko.
Erap: Kung mahilig ka sa isda, eh di mahilig ka sa dagat?
Midas: Opo sir
Erap: Kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo sa beach?
Midas: Opo, madalas kame ng misis ko magbakasyon sa beach
Erap: At kung mahilig ka sa beach, mahilig ka din sa mga sexing babae na naka swimsuit?
Midas: Opo sir, pero syempre sa misis ko lang ako nakatingin *ngisi*
Erap: (hmmm lalake nga to) Kung mahilig ka sa babaeng nakaswimsuit, lalakeng lalaki ka?
Midas: Syempre naman sir
Erap: At kung lalakeng lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Midas: Opo sir

A friend of Erap suddenly called him which prompted Erap to turn his body and head and accidentally stumbled his cup of coffee.

Midas: Ayyyyyyyyyyy ang kape ang kapeeeeee.

Erap: Langya kala ko macho ka.
Mahirap pala talaga tong logic na to hindi consistent, ayoko na nga. *toinks* LOL

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“When you cannot take the heat of politics, make some joke to have a relief”