Impeachment is nearing its end. Corona is scheduled to testify on Tuesday and will be the last witness for the defense. That is the reason why the Impeachment Court went on a 2-day trial recess.
Since, they’re on break I thought of coming up with a light impeachment blog post. What if Erap is presiding over this trial? I’m sure it will be a fun trial filled with “Erap Lines”.
So here’s my second try at humor post, again starring Erap. I hope you enjoy reading!
Erap and the Counsel’s Appearances
Erap: Ok counsels, enter your appearances.
Prosecution: Thank you your honor Mr. President, same appearances on the part of the prosecution.
Erap: Teka, teka, anong same appearances eh nagpalit na kayo ng damit ah. Tsaka parang bagong gupit ka ata counsel.
Prosecution: Ahhm your honor, I mean same set of counsels your honor.
Erap: Ah ganun ba, ok proceed.
Erap on being LIBERAL
Prosecution: Mr. Presiding Justice, Your Honor can I make a manifestation?
Erap: Ok counsel, proceed with your manifestation.
Prosecution: I just want to ask your kind indulgence Mr. Presiding Justice, your honor, if you can be please be more Liberal in this court, your honor *Erap interrupts*
Erap: Wait wait Mr. Counsel, ano, gusto mo pa ng maraming Liberal? Eh apat na sila dito ah, Sen. Drilon, Sen. Pangilinan, Sen. Recto, and Sen. Guingona, puro Liberal yan gusto mo pa ng mas marami?
Erap explaining some rulings of the Court
Erap: I cannot permit that counsel. Alam mo ginagawa ko na ang lahat para maging maayos ang trial na ito. Dapat balanse tayo dito para fair to both of you prosecution and defense.
Prosecution: Ok, Mr. President, I submit to the wisdom of the presiding justice
Erap: Anong submit wisdom? Anong akala mo sa’kin bobo walang wisdom. Be careful Mr counsel baka gusto mo ma-site ka in contempt.
Prosecution: No you honor what i mean is, I agree to what you said.
Erap: Ah yun naman pala eh pasubmit submit ka pa kasi, proceed.
Erap: It’s a tie
Prosecution: Do you bring with you the bank documents subpoenaed by this impeachment court?
Witness: Yes sir, it’s with me.
Prosecution: So Mr. Witness, how many bank accounts does Renato Corona have in your bank?
Defense: Objection your honor, leading. The counsel is already suggesting that this bank accounts are owned by the accused.
Erap: Objection overrulled, hindi pa nga nasasagot ng witness yung question, wala pang score, tie pa lang kayo.
Erap and the Senator Judges
Erap: Majority Leader.
Sotto: Mr. President, Sen. Legarda wishes to be recognized.
Erap: Ok, the crying lady from Malabon, Antique, Laguna, Manila and the World tonight Sen. Loren Legarda is recognized.
Loren: *smiling* Thank you Mr. President, let me just clarify that the crying moment is already in the past. We have talked it over and patched things up already, tsaka Mr. President, alam ko kasing nanonood nuong mga panahon na yun si Mother Lily kaya ko ginawa yun. Baka sakali mapansin nya ang aking acting prowess at masundan pa yung acting job ko sa Markova.
Sotto: Mr. President, Sen. Lacson wants to be recognized
Erap: Sige, the TNT Senator from Cavite is recognized, proceed.
Lacson: Maraming salamat Mahal na Pangulo.
Erap: Wow ayus ah, mahal na Pangulo? Eh nilaglag mo nga ako dati.
Lacson: Alam nyo Ginoong Pangulo matagal na po iyun. Kalimutan na natin ang nakaraan at magbati na po tayo.
Erap: Batiin mo yang itlog mo, at magluto ka ng omelet, diba marami ka namang natutunan na recipe galing sa Google.
Sotto: Mr. President Sen. Pangilinan wants to be recognized followed by Sen. Recto.
Erap: Ok the Senator for All Season Ralph Recto of Batangas is recognized and will be followed by the Mega Senator from Pampanga Sen. Kiko Pangilinan.
Kiko: Thank you Mr. President, by the way may bagong show po si Sharon sa Channel 5, manood po kayo. Love you hon wag mo na patulan ang mga bashers mo sa twitter ha.
Sotto: Mr. President next to ask is the Senator from San Juan, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada
Erap: (Yes, anak ko na yan) Ehem ehem, Ok my son Sen. Jinggoy Estrada mula sa aking mahal na bayan ng San Juan is recognized. (*Erap whispered “Galingan mo anak”)
Jinggoy: Thanks Dad este Mr. President. Ok Ms. Witness dala nyo po ba yung dokumento?
Witness: Hindi po.
Jinggoy: Ok pakidala po next time ah. That’s all, thanks Dad este Mr. President
Erap: Yun na yun, tapos ka na? Nag-cheer pa ko sa’yo yun lang pala sasabihin mo. Tumayo ka pa! Mag-usap tayo sa bahay mamaya pag-uwi. Upo!
Sotto: Mr. Senate President, Sen. Joker Arroyo, wants to ask the witness.
Erap: Ok, the walk-out prosecutor este Senator from Makati is recognized.
Arroyo: Thank you Mr. President, but I just want to make clear that it was the private prosecutors that walked-out on your impeachment and not us.
Erap: Ok, sige sige, proceed baka abutin pa tayo ng siyam-siyam sa bagal mong magsalita.
Sotto: Ok Mr. President, last Senator with reservation is the Lady Senator from Ilo-Ilo.
Erap: Ok the Dragon Lady Senator Pick-up Lines of Ilo-ilo and my friend Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is recognized.
Santiago: Thank You Mr. President, I don’t know if I can call that a compliment or an insult to my persona but nonetheless I will proceed. But before I ask the witness Mr. president, let me just ask you. Mr. President, plastic ka ba?
Erap: Hindi ah, hindi ako plastic. Anong pinagsasabi mong plastic. *Miriam interrupts*
Santiago: Oh my God Mr. President, that is a pick-up line, didn’t you get that.
Erap: Ah eh, sorry kala ko tinatawag mo ako na plastic eh.
Santiago: You are too defensive Mr. President, are you guilty? hahaha. Anyways again, I will repeat my question, Mr. President, Plastic ka ba?
Erap: Ok, sige; Plastic? Bakit?
Santiago: Kasi tinapon ka na, eh na-recycle ka pa. wahahahha