6 o’clock in the morning, we woke up together to both witness the result. We set up the camera to capture the good news that we were expecting, and to our behold, 2 red lines appeared. And that is the start of the journey that made us stronger in faith and in love.
We were married for 1 year and a month and we were living together for 8 months at that time. Although we haven’t spent so much time together as a couple as we are a product of long distance relationship, it is our goal to immediately have kids to bring completeness to the family we are creating.
Months after months before that, we tried and tried. There were instances when we were treated to some welcoming circumstances when there were periods of delays but ended up to be false alarms. After 4 months of un-successful baby making project, we decided to ask the help of a health professional. From the referral of a friend, we consulted an OB-Gyne to know if there are problems to address that will result to my wife’s conception. We took on the advise and after 2 months of regular check-ups, the good news came.
It was the week after valentine’s that she was delayed beyond our set threshold. We were so excited to see the result and I have strong feeling that that was it, because of the signs I’m seeing on her body. We woke up together at 6am Saturday, set up the camera and held hands together until the result came up. That moment, we felt like everything turned slow, we just stared at the device as it slowly reveals the sign. As the 2 red lines revealed, tears fell from our eyes, thanked God for answering our prayers. That day was a bliss, I cannot explain the feeling that finally I will become a father and we will become parents.
With overflowing joy, we immediately shared the good news with our families and friends. Everyone was so happy for us, because they too are excited for us to finally come to this moment. The next day Sunday we went to our favorite church to give thanks for the wonderful blessing that we have received, not knowing that the next weeks ahead will be an experience that will test our strength and faith.
Wednesday the following week we went to the OB-GYNE for a confirmatory check-up. While we were’t able to have it checked via an ultrasound, based on the pregnancy test and her computation on the fertility period, the doctor said she was 6 weeks pregnant. That added delight to the happiness that we’re already experiencing. She was scheduled to comeback for an ultrasound to check the exact condition of her pregnancy. Tuesday the other week, I brought her to the clinic but since the doctor is not yet around and I need to go to the office, I left her there and told her to just relay to me whatever the result is.
A phone call from her, crying, the OB found no heartbeat of the baby. I didn’t know what to say to comfort her at that time, when I went home, I just hugged her and look at the ultrasound result. She was advised to come back after a week to check again if there will be progress or any sign of the baby’s heartbeat. We went back again to the OB and that time I’m with her to know the result, but still no heartbeat and that’s when she broke-down hard because the doctor said there’s a slim possibility close to a miracle that the baby will progress. We went home devastated, but we still cling to a small hope that maybe miracle will happen like what the OB said. After a week, we went back to the OB again to undergo ultrasound for the last time, but the result is the same, thus the OB said it is really a case of blighted pregnancy.
Still in denial we went to other hospitals to check with other OB. Another 2 weeks and 3 more hospitals, but the result are the same, the baby really didn’t progress. And that ended our hope, it’s really not yet time for us to be parents.
It’s been hard time comforting her, because she’s all set on being a mother. I just repeatedly reminded her of what the OB said that’s it’s not the end. We were able to conceive so it’s not impossible to conceive again. But the heartache of an expectant mother is really not easy to mend. I just remained by her side comforting her and telling positive stories to ease her pain.
It was during the holy week that the time has come. It was Palm Sunday when she felt pain in her abdomen, a different pain she never felt before. I advised her to lie on the bed and rest. After several minutes she called on me and showed blood flowing from her. We knew it was the time we were waiting, the time when our supposed first born will finally leave her body and leave our family forever. She went back and forth to the comfort room with so much pain. I asked her to go to the hospital but she insist she wanted to stay. Seeing her laboring in pain hurts me too. I don’t know how painful she’s experiencing all I know was she’s into physical, psychological and emotional pain combined. I stayed beside her the whole duration and after almost an hour the placenta came out which eases her pain. Thank God, my mother was there to support us especially my wife, because my mother too had experienced miscarriage on her last pregnancy.
The next day Holy Monday, we went to the hospital to check if everything was flushed our from her womb. After an ultrasound, the OB said, the placenta was gone and no need for D&C. She was just given a medication to further clean the womb from remaining pregnancy residue.
While I saw her light up because she will no longer undergo a surgery the sadness because of the loss was still there. We were just given hope by the doctor with stories of her other patients who underwent miscarriage also but went successful on their next pregnancies. That hope is what I nurtured and shared with her. I kept of telling her positive stories to make her happy and forget our ordeal. We also promised not to pressure ourselves to conceive immediately and just enjoy our companionship.
We then continued with our lives. We just enjoyed our togetherness not minding yet plans to have a baby again yet. We went on travelling after a month to unwind and to celebrate our relationship anniversary. We tried staycation, we toured a museum in Antipolo and we decided to pursue our previous plan to went up to Baguio.
During our Baguio trip we realized, maybe that is the reason why God didn’t gave us child yet, so that we can enjoy our ourselves more, so we can have more “us” time and go to the places we wanted to go. That Baguio trip was so memorable we didn’t know a big surprise is waiting.
A week after going back to Manila, she had her period. We just shrugged it off because we’re not really planning yet to conceive. But she felt something weird because it’s a week earlier from her due. But we didn’t focused more about it. After 2 days, the bleeding was gone, completely gone, and that added to her inklings.
4 days after, she woke me up early in the morning (I think it’s past 6am). My sight wasn’t that clear because am still about to open it fully, I can only see her standing in front of me holding a small white kit. When i fully opened my eyes, I saw the pregnancy test kit with 2 red lines again. I hugged her with joy; I am going to become a father again, we are going to be parents again.
That was one of the biggest surprises in my life. 2 months after the hurtful experience, here goes God giving us the biggest surprise and a greatest blessing.
After the check-up with OB and her 1st ultrasound which confirmed that the baby has hear beat, we went to the nearby church to give thanks. While kneeling in prayer, I cannot help myself but broke into tears. That was the first time in years that I cried in prayer. The gratefulness and happiness overflow in the form of that tears of joy.
God really answers prayers in the time He think is right for us. We may not fully know the wisdom behind every struggles and hardships that we’re encountering but trust that the Lord will give us our need in the time we least expect. Our experience which started in 2 red lines allowed us to bond more with each other and with God. It gave us a broader view of life and taught us to understand His will through complete submission to Him.
So to those who are experiencing hardships and struggles, don’t loose hope. Continue to hold on and keep your optimism. As I always said to my wife during our ordeal “Think Positive”. It really pays to have personal relationship with Him because no matter what He will always be there to keep the light shining. Look at us, we were almost devastated during that challenging period but now we’re just waiting 3 months to welcome our baby boy into this world. God is really good all the time.
“God will grant us the desires of our heart not in the time we want but in the time we need.”